Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
