Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
