Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Come see our sink grown plant.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize