I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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