I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
