Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
