what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
