Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
