I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
