I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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