Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
50% drunk capacity currently
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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