We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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