I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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