My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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