So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
