Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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