Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
