I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
