At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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