I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
