Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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