READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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