Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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