First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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