just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize