I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
