Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize