We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
