i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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