my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
