quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
