ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Sext me about skeletons
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
