I got chris browned last night
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
