In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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