i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You ruined the universe
Randomize
