these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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