whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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