Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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