I wish my penis had an off switch
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
