I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
