I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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