Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
