You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize