I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
we're making bets on your personal life
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
