After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize