Kiss
Puke
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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