Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
