There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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