oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
