u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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