I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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