I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
