Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize