If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
