So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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