Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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