What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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