you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
