i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
