It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
