guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't EVER smell your tampon
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
