the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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