READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
