Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you didnt know i had herpes?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
