ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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