He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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