I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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