he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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