ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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