Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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