Having a random hookup so left but love u
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
