Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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