I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
