She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
