dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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