the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
