1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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