For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
