pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
50% drunk capacity currently
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
