I am puke
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
