Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
