boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
