areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
