i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I will pee on everything he values.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
