That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
