pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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