Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
