I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
