Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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