Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
