My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
