Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He shit in the fireplace
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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