god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
