I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
