his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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